90 Days for Noelle - Day 23

Some have criticized our intentions so I want to be completely transparent with our motives for adoption.  Jason and I have a beautiful little girl, Cora, who is four years old. I always wanted my children close together because my brother and I are five years apart.  When Cora was two, we found out we were having a second child who was due in May.  Perfect timing...I'll have the whole summer off to spend with the baby just like I did with Cora.  Then the unexpected happened when on my 28th birthday, I miscarried.  We were devastated. We had already had an ultrasound and heard the baby's heartbeat.  We didn't know if the baby was a boy or girl.  I named the baby Judah Storm.  Judah means praise and I chose Storm because God saw me through, with the grace to praise Him even in the storm. The doctor advised for us to wait three months before trying again.  We did and immediately became pregnant.  One week after finding out the "good news" we received another blow.  I was angry at everyone...God, myself, every pregnant woman I saw.  I couldn't comprehend what God was thinking.  How could he bless the womb of so many people, some that do drugs while pregnant or abuse their children and not bless mine.  This time Jason and I decided to wait longer.  My body and mind needed to heal.  When we thought that the timing was right, we decided to try again.  All of a sudden my body went haywire...my cycle wouldn't regulate.  I was going to the OB/GYN every month trying to figure out what was wrong so we could fix it.  One afternoon after coming home from getting blood work, I was sitting in the car crying, praying, wanting to cuss, just plain frustrated.  Why were there so many "road blocks"?  I felt like all I could see were "dead end" signs.  The doctor starting talking about fertility drugs and I couldn't find any peace.  Jason and I had thought about adoption before Cora was even born.  We started opening up dialog with each other about it.  As we researched and prayed, I starting feeling peace.  Those once "road blocks" turned into "detour" signs.  I knew that God had placed the desire to have more children in my heart, but it wasn't in the way that I thought it would be.  The Lord says in Isaiah, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways  my ways.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."  God has an ultimate plan for my life.  He has brought me through some painful experiences, but I choose to trust him and praise him regardless.  Why do people choose to adopt and why are there children to be adopted?  I think that circumstances lead to both, but God makes a path to lead us to each other.

Father, I want You to have all the glory in my life.  I am nothing without You.  I thank you that You have carved a path in my heart for Noelle.  We will be an answer to each others prayers.  Thank you, Lord, for trusting us to do Your will to take up the cause of the fatherless.  It's worth it all.  I love you, Father. Amen