When the mountain doesn't move....

Jesus replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”  (Matthew 17:19-21)  I have heard these verses my whole life.  I have sang songs about them.  I have declared them in prayer and have had them spoken over me in worship services.  I have seen mustard seeds and they are definitely small.  Do I really have faith smaller than that???  We have been in the adoption process for exactly two and a half years.  We have lost two referrals, had to re-do finger prints and home studies, and we have been waiting for the adoption judgement for our daughter for over two months now.  Why won't this mountain move?! Over the past few months, I have battled so much discouragement and fear.  Delays in our adoption process so far have resulted in disappointments and I don't think I can handle another one. Sometimes when you have experienced disappointment, it's a scary thought to trust again...to put your heart on the line...to have the faith to believe that it will all work out for your good.

  In church last Sunday during praise and worship, I prayed "God, I know we all have a measure of faith given to us, but I pray for increase."  Our pastor preached on "suddenly" moments in the bible.  He spoke about Paul and Silas sitting in prison singing praises when suddenly a violent earthquake caused the prison doors to fly open (Acts 16:25-26).  He talked about the woman with the issue of blood who had sought healing for twelve years.  She saw Jesus and decided she would "try" again. At the hem of his garment, she was healed suddenly. (Mark 5:25-29).  With every example our pastor gave, I could feel God answering my prayer.  I could feel the courage that I needed to believe AGAIN.  To believe that God was on my side...that God had a plan and purpose...that God is rarely early, never late, and always right on time.  When God told Abraham to take the son that he had waited years for up on the mountain for sacrifice, He obeyed.  He didn't know how God was going to work it all out, but he believed he would.  As Abraham was walking on one side of the mountain, God was working on the unseen side of the mountain.  When they reached the top and prepared for the sacrifice, suddenly a ram appeared. (Genesis 22:1-13)

 Some of you reading this post are in the same position.  You have a lot of unknowns.  You have been waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting...But hang on because today could be your "suddenly".  Last week, I realized that sometimes the mountain doesn't move.  Sometimes we are called to climb.  We are called to take a journey that sometimes feels rocky and steep and hard. God is with us the whole time waiting to reveal himself. 

Today is our adoptive daughter's birthday.  We wish so much that we could celebrate with her in our arms today.  Though we are continents apart and it seems like there is a mountain of paperwork in our way, God is moving in the unseen on our behalf.  I believe!

Roller Coaster

Much time has passed since our last post.  I will try and cover the events chronologically.  In mid September, we received what our agency would call a lead referral for an 18 month old little girl named Veronique.  We were so excited to have positive news.  We told our agency to move forward  and sent approval for funds to cover the medical exam.  We were told it would take about 2-3 weeks to get results then we would get an official referral.  Two to three weeks passed and we still did not have any news.  Upon calling the agency, they found a mix up in communication and discovered that Veronique had yet to see a doctor.  So the 2-3 week wait started over.  During our waiting periods, we spoke with the social worker who did our home study.  We were due an update.  She advised for us to widen our age range due to our lead referral. At the time, our range was 0-24 months.  Considering that Veronique was already 18 months, we had to cover for the time that the adoption would take to finalize (6-9months).  On October 22nd, I was remembering my first miscarriage.  Although it had been 3 years, I will still emotional throughout the day.  After work that day, I received a call from my agent.  She had news, but it wasn't good.  We had lost the referral.  Another lawyer from perhaps a different agency had essentially offered the village where Veronique was discovered more money.  I was devastated to say the least.  I was angry. I felt like I was losing a baby all over again.  Why God?  Why would you let us get our hopes up then not come through? Why?    Questions I would soon know the answer to...

About four weeks later, we received another call from the agency.  They had two possible referrals.  One for a girl estimated at 2 1/2 to 3 years and one for a newborn baby girl (d.o.b. 10/25).  Considering that they were at opposite ends of our age range, they called to ask which child we would be interested in. My immediate reaction was BOTH.  Jason and I discussed it and agreed that we would pursue both referrals. We received our official referrals right before Thanksgiving so we were able to share pictures with family.  What a blessing!  For the next two months, we made big plans for the room they would share.  We had presents under the Christmas tree for them.  We waited all of January for their commune papers to come so that we could start the court proceedings.  By February, we had the oldest girl's papers and continued to wait for the baby's.  Then another call came...

About 3 weeks ago today, We received word that the baby's birth mom had shown up to take her child home.  This time a different reaction came.  My husband was blown away by my calmness (which is rare).  I didn't ask God questions.  I had an answer and I needed to accept it...  

I am thankful for this journey that I am on.  God is showing me his great mercy and love every step of the way.  I am finally learning that I have a choice...I have to decide whether I trust God or not.  If I trust Him then I find rest even when my circumstances seem like a roller coaster of events.   God is trustworthy and is faithful to his promises.  He set us on this path over two years ago and I know that He will see us through.  It may not be exactly how I envisioned it to be, but in the end I will not be disappointed.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  James 1:2-4

"...The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made" Psalm 145:13  

Please continue to pray for our family.  God is good!